40 Year Horror

I would like to take a moment to rethink just how horrifying the concept of a 40 year old virgin is. I’ve seen whole comedies devoted to how hilarious this is, and it’s kind of like making fun of Holocaust victims for dying so easily. People are desperate to convince themselves that this is a thing of ridicule, not an unspeakable tragedy. They want black people to deserve to be slaves. They want women to deserve to be barred from higher education. They want Holocaust victims to not have been innocents, because it’s too horrible to contemplate that innocents might die so terribly, with no one coming to their rescue. They want this stuff justified. We want this stuff justified. And we’re desperate enough to justify it, that we’ll make the problem even worse, by denying that it’s a problem at all.

Now, I know this is a stretch, but imagine for a second that someone becomes a 40 year old virgin without deserving it. Maybe you can point to a mental illness they have, ignoring how that illness was caused, but honestly we’re all fucked up each in our own way. Saying a 40 year old caused themselves to be a virgin because of their depression, anxiety, or autismal personality belies the fact that almost everyone with depression, anxiety, and autism will have had sex at least once before turning 40 years of age.

So imagine for a second that someone does everything right. They don’t have enough mental problems to stop them from having sex. There is someone out there for them, someone they connect with on a deep level, and have a long, happy relationship with... except it doesn’t happen. Imagine a society so fucked up that this couple is kept from ever knowing about each other through systematic campaigns of fear and hatred, tricking them into avoiding helping themselves for fear that it won’t be safe. Imagine that this pair would meet, except that her fucked up family demands all her time and attention because that’s all girls are allowed to care about, except that the guy is barred from social activities left and right, with no time to interact with everyone because he works 2 jobs, making rich men very rich, and his only reward is meager survival, and exhaustion. Imagine a dystopian society where everyone is sealed in coffins of metal and glass, unable to do more than meet each other’s eyes and wave helplessly, while their vehicles pass by at 60 miles per hour.

That is reality. That is why there are 40 year old virgins. When you met your sweetheart in college, who you started a family with? The only difference between you and that mentally damaged 40 year old is practically just random chance. Assholes get to have sex. Jerks get to have sex. Batshit insane loonies are fucking like rabbits. Why is he a virgin then? Because you go to work every day, that’s why. Because you prop up this system of alienation, making it practically impossible to form meaningful relationships. Why can’t they just do what you did? Why can’t they just win the lottery? Why can’t they just pick the winning numbers on the roulette wheel? Because the system is so fucked up that your success can not just be because you did the right thing. There really do exist people who did the right thing, and got shafted for no reason other than the hostile system just randomly locking them out.

Now think of what this means when these victims of the system are 40 years old. Let’s do some math here. That’s 24 years of sexual activity. 1,248 weeks, each of which could have resulted in intimacy. All gone, destroyed, lost forever. All those fond memories you have of discovering your love for each other, he can never have, because all his years are full of nothing but rejection and frustration.

You know what happens to women around age 40? It’s called menopause. You know what it does? Kills their sex drive, forever! Suppose you scramble to make things right again, you manage to bring these star crossed lovers together, and now they’ve got what, maybe a year or two, after which it will be unpleasant for her to have sex ever again. If you don’t have sex in college, in high school even, you’ve lost those years forever. A 40 year old virgin can never be saved, and can never be healed, because it’s already too late. They’ve spent more time crying themselves to sleep alone than they’ll ever be able to enjoy each other intimately. The woman’s skin is thinning. Her eggs are dead. The man’s knees are aching. His face is sagging and tired in the mirror. They’ll never know each other’s sweet embrace, because why bother at this point? They have nothing left to look forward to besides aging, suffering and death.

That’s what a 40 year old virgin means. Please show some compassion before you go ridiculing them as deserving this. Nobody deserves this. It’s a horrible tragedy, a needless loss, and a cruel exploitation of everything we love and cherish. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Though, what reward do I get for this compassion? Nothing but one more day closer to this horrible milestone. People are... people are playing board games where you move the stupid pieces around the board, and you pull the stupid cards, and try to beat each other over stupid things. There are women’s only meetings all over the place, where there’s no chance that a (heterosexual) couple could ever meet. People are going to pubs, getting drunk, and drunk sex is the worst. How am I even supposed to meet anyone, if I can’t give a flying feather about board games or obscure beers?

Oh good, here’s a crafts workshop, where you go to learn how to waste your time creating useless stuff that doesn’t even look very pretty. Look at me, I’m making a bead necklace that’s inferior in quality to the metric fuckton of bead necklaces you can just get off the shelf!

Ah yes, I’ll find my one true sexual partner at one of the dozens of meetings for totally legit professional professionals of professionalism, who know how real professionals work all the time and only achieve, and are just looking for more opportunities to work, hoping they can exclude all those pitiful losers who do things like have fun, and fuck each other.

Maybe my solution is to find my “soulmate” through the social connections I can make through my church. Oh wait, my bad, every church would turn me away at the door, if I can’t spend an hour and a half travelling across the countryside. 60 churches in Hillsboro alone, and zero of them are willing to hook up non-believers.

No, no I’ll just go back to school. It can’t possibly go horribly like it did the last time, could it? I’ve matured a lot since then! Well, if you can call it maturing, to get perverted into a crippling depression and mental retardation caused by the stupidly oppressive loneliness forced on me by an antisocial society. I could probably get out of bed early enough to attend school again, at least once a week, maybe twice! That’s good enough, right? I could start studying... something? And I’m sure all the girls my age are totally in college.

Imagine a 40 year old virgin, whose soulmate is really out there, someone who longs for a guy like him to come along, someone who he’d immediately click with, and be doing it like rabbits by age 21, if they were ever allowed to meet. She’s married to an asshole now, with 2 kids that she felt obliged to bear after he refused to use protection. Her life is over since only the lives of her kids matter now, and his life might as well be over, because there’s just no way to save them anymore.

That’s kind of what I feel when I look at pictures like this:

Got Tox? Then ask me anything!